The question “is what I want normal?” is perhaps the most common in the area of sexuality. It comes in different ways depending on the person, but the mechanism is the same: comparing one's sexuality with an implicit norm, and feeling discomfort when it doesn't correspond.
The problem with sexual “normality”
Sexual normality is a cultural construct, not a biological fact. What is considered normal varies enormously across different cultures and historical periods. Homosexuality was classified as a mental illness by the WHO until 1990. Masturbation was considered pathological until the late 19th century.
This doesn't mean that everything is the same or that there are no harmful practices. It means that “normal” is almost always a value judgment disguised as a descriptive judgment.
How desire is normalized
The normalization of desire happens through representation, conversation, and information. Knowing that a certain preference is shared by millions of people reduces isolation. Finding communities where one can speak freely lowers shame. Having access to accurate information instead of moral judgments helps make informed choices.
This doesn't mean that every desire must be acted on: some fantasies work better as such, and some practices require knowledge and precautions before being explored. But the starting point should not be shame.
The role of adult content
The adult content industry has an ambivalent effect on normalization. On one hand, it shows that certain practices exist and are shared. On the other, it builds representations that can be distorted or stereotyped, and that become the reference point for those who have no other sources.
Ours glossary is designed to offer information without judgment on sexual practices and dynamics of all kinds.
Want to go from theory to practice?
Hundreds of performers are live right now, waiting for you on the videochat.
Join the videochat →